Hey friend, want to have a heart to heart?
The most important part of Vintage Revivals, surprisingly isnt the Merc, or my post on how to paint furniture. It’s my Real Life Story. It’s been a while since I’ve updated it and while I wasn’t initially intending this post to be part of it, I feel like it needs to be. Cause struggling and being human is way easier when someone else says “Hey girl, me too.”
I dont know what your last year has been like, but if I had a word for 2018 it would be STRESS. Like that, in all caps, screaming in your face. Over the last few years I’ve felt it compounding, but this last year it was overwhelming. I found myself paralyzed in anxiety, brimming with anger, and disconnected, jealous, and negative. (Which is very unlike my rose colored glasses way of living.) I had a few irrational outbursts, I had stress induced psoriasis patches all over my body, I very intensely thought about driving my car into a wall one night.
The crazy and most frustrating part is that I tried everything that I could think of to find relief. Hormone therapy, actual therapy, change in diet, sticking to a schedule, meditation, exercise, podcasts, books, if it was suggested to me I tried it. And nothing made it better. Every time I cut my hair my sisters were worried I was going to buzz it Britney circa 2007 style.
Have you ever been in a place like this? Where you’ve pulled your boot straps up so high that you’re wearing them like suspenders and yet, you are still there, in the garbage? GAH! It is the worst feeling like you’re letting everything and everyone around you down. Man, if you have my heart goes out to you. Maybe we should start a suspenders club?
For me, I’ve learned, is that it wasnt about the circumstances that were going on (maybe we’ll talk about those soon). What really was happening is that sometime along the way I shifted my spirituality into neutral. Spoiler alert! It seems to be when you put something in neutral, it eventually coasts to a stop and that is what happened. I had stalled out.
For those that don’t know, I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My faith is what has rescued me from the seemingly unreachable darkness. Understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power that it has to bring grace and purpose to my life changed everything. After experiencing all of the miracles that we have over the years, you would think that I would be set on the right path and have all of the energy in the world to endure whatever ups and downs life throws at me, but man it just is not that way. I was still going to church, Court and I are still missionaries for the 12 Step Program, and still doing the “things” but trying to restart some spiritual momentum out of sheer self loathing is just not the way that it works.
In October I went to a hypnotherapy session that changed everything. It was probably the most sacred and spiritual experience that I’ve ever had. I can’t share all of it, but during the session, I had this huge weight of darkness descend on me. As I focused on it I could feel it, like a thick black mist, intertwining itself around every part of my body. My therapist had me project the feeling outside of my body and asked me what shape it took on. It was like I was staring at a mirror image of myself, but instead of skin and clothing it was a faceless shadow of tumbling black smoke staring back at me.
As I faced it, those familiar feelings of dread, stress, hatred, anger, jealousy, self-will, pride, resentments, and sadness intensified and the smoke grew larger and larger until it was no longer the shape of me, but just a huge swirling black mass of despair. My therapist had me directly ask why it was there, and with a laugh and an energy that I recognized as Satan it replied “because you allow me to be”.
That son of a #&*%$
Slowly, almost undetectably I had let all of these garbage thoughts and feelings take seed in my life and they grew and grew and grew until I found myself in this horrible place. Never has the term enemy of my soul meant more to me.
I dont know if you know this, but when I started my blog I had never DIYed a thing in my life. I had very little confidence in anything, especially myself, and what little I did have was sucked into the dark hole of Court’s addiction. I was an absolute shell of a person. When I stumbled one day upon the world of DIY blogs, it changed everything! These wonderful, relatable, awesome women shared their knowledge with me and made me feel like I could do something scary. It unlocked a talent that had been completely undiscovered and quite literally altered the course of my life.
A few months into the blog I knew that I needed to share our struggle with addiction. At that point Court had only been sober for a few months, but he was so different than any other time he had been clean, that I didn’t hesitate to believe that this time really was different. From the moment of being willing to be vulnerable things changed for me. I learned who I was, and how God speaks to me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the reason that I had this gift was to bring people to the blog so that I could share with them hope, and confidence, and happiness. Maybe in a thrifted dresser, maybe in a relationship, maybe in God. But always that change is real and everything can be made better. That purpose unlocked my heart.
But over the years, that perspective shifted. If you ask me point blank, that is still the answer you’ll get, but in my heart it changed. It became about me, not about you. I dont know if the content really changed all that much, but the energy and reason behind it did. I would be interested to know for those long time readers, if you’d noticed.
So for the last little while, I’ve focused on finding my Savior and my peace and my perspective again. It has become my number one priority. It never ceases to amaze me that He is always there. ALWAYS! Even when I turn away from him, even when I struggle and try to do things on my own and make a mess out of the path that he set my life on, he is still there! Through this journey I’ve dedicated more time to going to the temple and reading the Book of Mormon. I’ve cut out everything in my life that doesn’t fill me with hope and happiness (I’m looking at you Netflix) and my heart has been changed.
One of my favorite quotes by President Benson says “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” It’s quite miraculous how that happens. I feel like I know what my Heavenly Father wants from me and as I am willing to trust him and move forward in faith that he will work the miracle for me to become whatever he intends.
And as for the enemy of my soul, whenever I am feeling frustrated or defeated I read from the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 4:18-35
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
So what does all of this mean!? Hahaha man I have no idea. But I do know that Vintage Revivals always going to be about projects and paint and trips to Home Depot. But if I’m creating that content with love, awareness, and perspective-I believe that it can create a deeper connection and that is what the whole point behind all of this is. To know that none of us are alone in our bad bathroom tile, or in our imperfect lives.
If you’ve made it this far you get 10 Vintage Revivals points and a huge heartfelt thank youuuuu! Thank you for letting me share about where I’ve been cause man, what a lonely and crappy place that is. And thank you for letting me figure this whole thing out. You are wonderful!!
If you would like to learn more about the LDS 12 Step Addiction Recovery meetings, you can get more info for meetings in your area here.
If you’re interested in receiving a free copy of the Book of Mormon, I would love to send you one! Shoot me an email at [email protected]!
Love your guts guys!!
I think you should do you, and post about whatever speaks to you! And I’m going to do me and unfollow, because I’m VERY uninterested in being proselytized to. Wish you the best, though 🙂
Thanks Vid, zero hard feelings over here! Maybe our paths will cross again!
xo
m
Mandy, I have been under a black cloud, not fun. Thank you for sharing, it is why I like following your blog. I am Jewish but faith is faith. I know I need a higher power to get through life. I believe one G-d is big enough for all religions. Keep being yourself!!
Agreed!
Don’t let Vid’s comment speak too deeply to you. Jesus Christ made waves when he was on earth. People weren’t ready for His message. People, even now, aren’t ready for His message. I am. You are. Let’s rejoice together that we enjoy the peace He offers, and pray that more hearts are ready to receive Him. BTW, I have a Bible, but I’m rather curious about the book of Mormon, so if your offer still stands, I’ll take a copy. If you are busy, no worries. Take good care of yourself. Go to bed on time, eat well and love on the people God’s placed in your path, so your depression lifts as much as possible. I’m putting you in my prayer journal and commit to praying for your depression regularly;)
While I don’t share your religious beliefs I do give you all the credit in the world for spilling your heart out. Cheers to moving forward!!
Thank you for that! I’ve been feeling a drive lately to clean up my own spirituality and focus, rather than float, and it feels so great to have someone else bear their testimony of the same thing. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely worth it. And I love your sassy attitude, and fabulous style, and beautiful personality. Thank you for sharing it all!
I am not LDS but i admire your conviction and faith. So much of our everyday lives are based on trivial things—what your income is, who you know, what you can buy. It’s good to be reassured that there is someone looking out for us even if we are being miserable. It’s all one huge chain, I feel. So keep doing you, as the other commenter said. I’ll be here cheering you on as will others.
Thank you so much for sharing this and being an example of a believer! So many of us are scared to share this side of us with the world, but when someone like you does it I feel like it gives us all strength and courage to do the same. I’ve been a fan for years and I LOVE that you and Court don’t hide the gospel. Keep it up!!
And your light shines on. I love you forever Mands.
Will enthusiastically (??) join your Suspenders Club. I wouldn’t say that I’ve had much religious turmoil, just a slow pulling away from structured religion into a place I’ve found peace (I’ve grown up Catholic, and I’m sure you’ve seen enough of the news to understand how that has caused many “cradle Catholics” like me to take some hard looks at religious leaders vs. what we do about inner faith). Anyway, all that to say that I really felt that first few lines of your post about pulling your bootstraps up so high. And if it ever comes to it, know I’m there to lend an ear. 🙂
Well said Danielle,this is the first time I’ve seen Mandi’s blog and I absolutely love her!!! To all those that feel, share and have or are experiencing your on,my Prayers and Best Wishes for Our Recovery…. This will be my first blog ever, I have and probably,. In all reality will follow…
Does Mandi’s choice of religion and faith suddenly make her less talented and inspiring? Wouldn’t it have taken less effort to switch websites when you realized what this particular post was about, than to go in and unfollow her? just because she posted something you don’t agree with? It’s always such a disappointment that there are people who can’t just disagree and let it go. Or heck, just unfollow without leaving a comment about it.
I agree. I obviously differ, but I love her heart, her creativity and her blog! I love her honesty about struggling, and I’ll keep reading because of all of those reasons. That first commenter didn’t even have to say anything, it was cruel. I PRAY my comment doesn’t come off as CRUEL, because I say it out of love and a HOPE.
You are so right! Bravo.
You are soooo brave and a beautiful message to all, I just simply love all you do with faith comes victory ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing! I am not Mormon, but I do believe in God, and I think it’s wonderful that you let yourself be so vulnerable and share those parts of the gospel that you found your strength in, in addition to all the fabulous DIY’s 🙂 Looking forward to all the goodies you have in mind for this coming year.
Thank you for always stating what you really believe!
Going back to your original Real Life Story- when do we get to see a picture of your hubby with long hair??
She was just sharing her own personal story……….no need to consider it proselytizing.
it hanks for having the courage to share where you have been at, for the last while… have been in the same boat! i am making spiritual shifts for the better as well. keep on keepin on! ❣️
I too have been battling depression hard this year. Everything you described is where I have been. My best friend too! It has taken me a while to crawl my way out of it. I am half way there. It is a long hard battle, but I have learned so much about myself and what is most important to me in the process. I no longer let others bury me in their misery. I cannot own anyone else’s hell as I have one too large for myself. I am not a religious person and do not share your beliefs, but I am so proud of you for finding peace! We all have demons that we battle every day. Thank you for sharing yours with us. It helps to know you are not alone. I fell in love with your the first time I saw one of your blogs and have been an avid follower ever since. You make me smile. You give me strength and most of all you remind me that I can do anything!! Thank you so much for being you and allowing me to share a part of your life! Stay strong my friend! xoxo
Man its so hard!! I will pray and send all the good thoughts your way Danielle!
xo
m
I’ve never said this to you, but here goes. Faith in BOM and LDS will disappoint and that is because the Jesus of LDS is “another jesus” and I implore you to read only the bible and not the BOM. I honestly thought that you were going to say you realized that the LDS church was a false gospel and false religion and thus the dark cloud of smoke, and then you realized you had been blinded by the evil one and had renounced your LDS faith and come into an orthodox, biblical faith and were set free. I will continue to pray that you and Court and families come to this Truth. Jesus *is* God, as is the HS. One true God, three persons, all co-equal. Not a works salvation, no planets to rule as “gods” after you die. I wouldn’t bother with any of this if I didn’t care for you and every LDS person.
Kate, thank you for sharing that. I know that it can be hard to put yourself out there with something that you believe. Have a great day!
Kate, you said exactly what I was thinking. I too would encourage people to only read the Bible to find truth. Jesus is the only way. I’ve read things about people who’ve left the Mormon or Seventh Day Adventist churches. After finding the truth, they’ve said that it’s a different Jesus preached in those churches. I pray people will search for themselves.
I agree! I also pray that people will search for themselves and follow the pathway that gives them peace, whether it is LDS, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Baptist, or even Athiest. I personally believe in Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world, but I do not tell people what they should or should not believe or read. Mandy is brave for sharing the beliefs that bring her peace.
I appreciate your love of the Bible and sharing your beliefs. I’m a member of the same faith as Mandi. Just want to clarify to you that our whole emphasis of study this year is the New Testament. We do believe the Bible to be the word of God, and that the Book of Mormon is a companion to the Bible. Another testament of Jesus Christ, not a testament of another Jesus, because you’re correct that there is ONE Jesus. If you ever want to read it for yourself, you may not necessarily want to drop everything and convert 🙂 but you will see that there are many references to the Bible in it, as well as Book of Mormon prophets who spoke the same truths as the prophets in the Bible.
Mandy responded very graciously to your post. Do you also respond this way to people of all religions that are different than yours? If they bare their soul and share a sacred belief and faith in a Higher Power, as Mandy did, and it is different in some ways than your faith in a Higher Power, do you also tell them theirs is a “false gospel and false religion” and that they have been “blinded by the evil one” and only will be set free if they renounce their faith? It’s wonderful that people read things that bring them peace, whether it be the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, or the Book of Mormon. I appreciate that you said you care for Mandy and every LDS person, but your care comes across as condemnation.
Brooke, thank you for wording what I was feeling. I’m not sure why people feel a need to condemn the strong, heartfelt beliefs of others. I look up to Mandi for putting her heart out there and for responding to others with love. She’s amazing!
Exactly!
Agreed!
Woooooow, Kate. Someone didn’t glance down at their WWJD bracelet before typing that! What an unnecessary and weird response. Your way of ‘caring’ is dripping with judgement and condescension.
Let’s say someone found healing/comfort/faith/purpose/calm in believing in faeries (this is just a for instance. I’m not comparing Mandi’s religion or beliefs with anything)… What does it matter to you? Can’t you just be happy for someone without ‘needing’ to tell them your truth and that you think they’re ‘wrong’ in their beliefs?
I am so happy you are feeling better. Your blog is a place of comfort for many people. We love you and are here for you to share whatever you feel like sharing❤️
Thanks Melissa!
Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your openness and uplifting testimony. I had a telephone pole picked out that I drove by everyday on my way to work and considered diving into it, everyday. Things get better, but like you said, you need to make changes into what and who you let in. Love your blog, keep it coming!
Thanks Suzanne!
I love this. I love how brave you are to share and be vulnerable–both with your deepest struggles and your deepest beliefs–knowing that some people will disparage. When you have something that “cures” the darkness, how can you not share that? Even if it just helps one person, it is worth it! And it helped me today, so thank you. You are always inspiring, but thank you for being willing to be life-changing as well.
Thank you Amy!
While I am a HUGE Vintage Revivals fan and love everything you do on your blog, it was your story that originally led me to following you. I was going through a hard time in my marriage and felt so much hope reading your story. It gave me the courage to fight for my marriage and heal my family. Life can be so hard sometimes, but real joy is always there to be found. Just wanted to let you know that I was grateful to you for sharing back then and I am proud of you for sharing now. The world needs more light! ❤️
FANTASTIC thoughts!! Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more. And I always love when bloggers I follow share of themselves more personally. It makes the world a little smaller and our circle of “these people can relate! I’m not alone!” a little bigger.
I had noticed less frequent and less bubbly-Mandy posting, but figured a lot of that was just life stuff getting in the way. Although I guess this is just a different kind of life stuff than what I was picturing. I’m so glad you found a way forward! I’m neither LDS nor religious at all, but I am grateful that your faith has been what you need to work your way out of this darkness. Looking forward to hearing more about DIY, the Merc, and everything else that makes up Vintage Revivals.
Ditto to all of this and also for sure a part of the suspects see club. Rough last two years around here and things are just starting to turn around. Sending you love Mandi!
“But he said to me, `My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I adore your blog and projects but most of all I adore your precious family and realness. While we do not share a faith, we share THE Creator. Praise God when we are able to show others His love. More often than not it shines brightest at the end of our own strength when we must lean into Him. I look forward to seeing what the future hold for you! ❤️❤️❤️
This is perfect Amanda. Thanks for sharing this verse, this is what I needed today.
I will continue to follow Mandy on her blog and journey.
Loved this message. Thanks for being brave and sharing what’s in your heart. God will make up tenfold what you may lose in followers for being a missionary.
I am so glad you shared this. I think all people of all faiths can get distracted by the busyness and things of the world. And likewise there can be blessings of peace and comfort when we focus on the Savior Jesus Christ even when we are in the midst of trials. No one gets through this life without scars. I’ve always thought it best to try to share kindness as we journey through together. Suspenders for all!
I needed this today. I got hit with a big, sad punch to my heart and faith last night and I needed this today. Thank you for shining your light. Your whole blog is a metaphor for your story and your faith. Because for every DIY project, I’m never actually on my own.
I’m saying “Yeah. I’ve felt that too.”
Which is oddly comforting because I felt like that’s what you were saying while I was reading this. That it’s not about the pretty things, but about the life that lead you there and the God that continues to lead you and love you in all the messiness.
Thanks for sharing. And I love you as a much as a person should love a stranger from the internet. ?
Thank you for speaking your truth. Regardless of how man “unfollows” you get. Which I think is so silly, if you don’t want to be preached to then just don’t read that particular post. Duh. Anyways the main thing that kept running through my head while reading this was that there is always the greatest opposition before the most important events. So you my dear are clearly on the brink of an AMAZING event! Cheering you on for forever!
I needed this today. I followed your posts in the first place because I admired your “ story”… raw, vulnerable, hopeful story. Thank you for going out on that limb again. Our homes are always more than the well placed mantles, colors on walls, pictures arranged, pillows bought. It’s the light and love. You shared your light and I love you for it!
Dude… as a fellow believer, and member of the suspender gang, you have balls. Thanks for putting it all out there without shame! You have some great and spacious building dwellers who aren’t afraid to point their fingers and “do them”, and you handle it all with grace. I too have filtered my life recently, trying to be the best that I can be, and wouldn’t you know?.. YOU are still something that I seek!! Thanks for being such a great teacher in so many subjects.
I haven’t found much to interest me on your blog for ages! It’s been all ads and promotion.
Those ads and promotions are how Mandy supports her family!
Thanks for sharing your journey. It’s comforting to hear the struggles of others and see how they lift back up. Wishes for a better 2019!
The stories about your struggles and faith are the most unique thing about your blog. I appreciate them SO much, although I haven’t experienced them…which is funny because I still get a “me too” feeling when I read them! Just love the realness and hopefulness. Wish the world had more of both. ❤️
I LOVE you! You are amazing! ❤️❤️
Miss Mandi….
I love you guts and every inch of you!! This year has been horrible for me as well- darkness and depression doesn’t always show its ugly face in the same way. I have the psoriasis and the anxiety and the need to withdraw and be alone so that I don’t explode or lash out at the wrong people for the wrong reasons. This year I’ve lost family, close friends, dealt with sickness and the worry of loved ones being very sick or injured. Overwhelming family stress, Losses at work and dealing new stresses of parenthood that I’ve not been up against before. You are not alone and I’m seriously here for you anytime and for anything babes. Proud of you!! Stay true to yourself, stay on course, and we can be in the suspenders club together!! Xoxo
You are a light! Keep shining your light and bringing more light in your life to choke out the darkness. You are such an inspiration. I have followed you since almost the beginning and I love how real you are.
Longtime follower, because of your story. You’ve kept me around because of your craft-a-licious amazingness. Yes, I noticed, and yes, I’m glad you are back, kicking some DIY butt and spreading the light of Christ. I hear you, and I get it. Oh, I get it. Xoxo❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being real and sharing your story. I think of the word integrity. Being honest when no one is watching, but it is also being honest and real when everyone is watching. I love all that you share. May we all put God first. Thanks for the reminder.
The world will try to break us. I’m sure of this. While the person I am online and in person is true and real and me, there’s also that version of me I don’t allow in public—the one that struggles with her lack of perfection. I’m not perfect. My family’s not perfect. I battle depression and envy daily. “Comparison is the thief of joy” should be tattooed on my soul. Whenever I see someone such as yourself admit your battles, it’s an instant bond—like we’re fighting the same battles. It’s also a relief. I don’t feel alone anymore.
I’m so sorry people took offense to your post. Your faith is your personal solution. I applaud the self-awareness it takes to know what that is for you. Many people battle without ever finding their light. Keep doing you. Keep being true to who you are. There’s lots of love there. Nothing wrong with that.
You know how much I love this!!! And I love you. Always, ALWAYS in your corner cheering you on. ❤️??❤️❤️❤️
Mandi I have followed you for quite some time and think how scary it must be exposing your life and putting yourself out there. But you do and I am thankful for that! Hang in there and keep moving forward knowing you have support and love.
WOW – nothing like “religion” to get people talking. So, I’m definitely a follower of Jesus and a child of God, but, I would never deny anyone else to believe what they believe because if you’re searching for truth you’re on the right path. I heard a saying once that I’ve never forgotten, maybe it will speak to 1 person. You don’t have to hit people over the head with what your beliefs are, because every time they see you, they’re reading their bible.
What a brave, honest lady you are ? Every life has darkness in it sometime – but it doesn’t have to stay ! The light of Christ is always there – it never moves – but sometimes we must move to find it . In my life that usually means I have to slow down, listen up and be humble ? keep on being your amazing Mandy-self and look to the light ??
Thank you for sharing your story. You are an amazing and inspiring blogger and person – even if we don’t share 100% of our beliefs 🙂 (Sorry some people can be so ugly and disrespectful) Sending you lots of love and best wishes!!!
Thank you so much for sharing, I’ve been feeling the dark cloud of depression moving towards me lately and it really helps to hear your story. I applaud you for trying all different approaches to treating your depression, and I’m SO glad you’ve found something that’s working. You are an inspiration in so many ways!
Mandi, I love your website and your message. I understand how you’re feeling. Just know that there are people who are praying and rooting for you.
You’ve got ballzzzzz lady. That’s one of my favorite scriptures; it’s given me hope in some very dark places. Thanks for your example of faith and perseverance. I had a similar experience but it lasted a bit longer (5 years) and I just came out of it 6 or so months ago. It’s like the fog cleared and “my demons” stopped fighting me once they realized once and for all I’d chosen my path and I wouldn’t waver. Rock on lady. Keep up the good work, physical and spiritual☺️
How fitting that I met you in person in the temple!!! Am I allowed to say I’m so proud of you!!!! Darkness/Satan is so real!!!! (I can’t even use enough exclamation points on that one) I told you in the temple that I was so grateful that my 23 year old daughter has followed you and been one of your biggest fans for years. This post is exactly why I’m so grateful for you!! Our struggles make us who we are. The scriipture passage that you shared Is one of my all time favorites!! We all find ourselves in that deep dark abyss at times in our lives, even Nephi did. But, he found his way out by not condemning himself (at least not for too long) but, by turning to God and remembering him and relying on HiIS strength. I know for a fact that you are that kind of modern day example of strength and success!! We love you, and respect, and admire you!! Thank you for sharing!!!
Thanks for being so open and real. You are an amazing young woman dealing with the challenges we all share and have to figure out. Life can be so hard and can often feel not worth all the pain. Good for you for seeking solutions that work. Just know when you feel worthless that you are everything to your precious children. They can’t imagine a life without YOU. Nothing else in this world really matters all that much. It’s the small stuff. We can really live very happily with less as long as we have love in our family. I’m always up for going out to lunch if you’re interested!!! Love you girl!!
❤️❤️❤️ You aren’t alone in your thoughts and feelings. He’s been BRUTAL for me too. Glad you found some peace.
Mandy,
I’ve followed your blog from the beginning! I think you are incredibly talented and I appreciate how candid you have been about your struggles. We don’t share the same belief about who Jesus is and that’s ok. In my times of struggle, I’ve clung to John 16:33. “I have told you these things so that in Me, you will have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”. God bless you. ??❤️
One of my favorite scriptures Tricia! It brings me so much peace too!!
xo
mandi
This is really encouraging to me. Life has been difficult lately with a lot of uncertainties and doubts. But I know why I rely on my faith in my Savior, it’s like all those things don’t matter anymore. Thank you for sharing.
Mandi! I’ve always known you were LDS, you’ve never tried to hide it. When I read your “real life story” I had so much respect for you and Court and all you have been through. In an era of only showing your “best life” I was really taken with your willingness to show your flaws, knowing that it must not have been easy. I keep returning to Vintage Revivals because You are such a talented and inspiring woman. I am constantly in awe of the spaces you create. I’ve seen you grow as a writer, creator, mother and wife in the years you have occupied this little corner of the internet and you should be proud of where you started and how far you have come. I am not LDS nor am I a particularly religious person but I have respect for your beliefs and applaud you for having the guts to write it out for the whole world to see, I love that you are not afraid to show your vulnerable side. The truth is you can’t please all the people all the time! You may lose some readers behind this post but you will also gain readers. Keep creating, keep following your passions, keep being true to yourself and by all means keep being the cute, quirky(sometimes completely random) person all of us who truly appreciate you know.
You continue to amaze me by your talent, your courage, and your testimony. Thanks for sharing your story. You have grown into an amazing woman, and have an amazing family!
I am a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I am so grateful for your post. I have followed you since the beginning (your yellow side table :)) and you are uber talented. But it is nice to know that people like you will use your blog for really reaching out and touching others with Christ-like love to remind us what is truly important. Again thank you.
I found your blog years and years ago when you first started. I followed you almost religiously because my story is not far from yours. And you dug deep for your own happiness, peace and joy. You supported Court with all you had, but you weren’t going to sit around and wait. You threw all you had into moving forward and creating a happy, meaningful future for you and your family. With this purpose everything you did was buzzing with light. I’m sorry you had a rough year. We have our up and down years too. This last one was really hard here as well. But like you, I’m committed to my family, faith, and my spouse whom I love so much. The atonement and God’s plan really put things into perspective for me. When ever thing are off, I only have to look as far as myself to see what needs adjusting and refocus my sights. You’ve got this girl. Not easy, but worth it right. The highs have been so high, we both know it is worth it. Keep on keeping. Even bigger, better, brighter things are yet to come.
Also your style and bravery in decorating with your heart on your walls is totally my style and everything I want in the millions of homes we have (forever renters thanks to the US Navy).
“Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven will be cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever.” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. You are doing an amazing job. It is hard to keep the darkness away. When days get hard try reading D&C 84:88. Lots of love to you!
Good for you, and good for us.
Thank you so much for the depth and spirit of this post. As others have said, your story is what caught my attention the most, even moreso than your talent. I appreciate your candor, honesty, and bravery, and am so grateful you’ve battled through this using the right tools. May you continue to feel peace as you focus on the Savior.
I have been a long-time reader and am impressed that you’ve shared this. It is not easy to share things that are personal, even more so things that are triggers for so many (i.e. religion). So thank you for that. Life is full of these ups and downs and any spiritual journey, no matter the religion/faith/practice/belief set, the roads have both long mountains and vast valleys. Good luck in continuing to climb your way out of this valley. It’s a good reminder to the rest of us who may also find ourselves within one.
Dude! I love this post. Religion aside, what you said about removing things from your life that didn’t fill you with hope & happiness (and especially the part about Netflix) really spoke to me. (And I know its true because I felt a moment of panic when I thought about putting Netflix away immediately). So, yeah, I can relate. It is a time waster, a time sucker, and is not giving me anything but distraction. I think all the time about putting more effort into the things that fulfill me, but I can never “find the time.” These things feed my soul and I can’t find the time for them, but have plenty of time to mess around on my smart phone. Your message hit me right in the heart today. Thank you!
(P.S. I just uninstalled Netflix from my phone….eek!)
It’s very brave to be so honest in such a critical world. I have had a few dances with the devil myself, so this spoke to my heart. The scripture references were also quite suiting imho. Maybe everyone’s truth is a little different, but for me, I cannot deny the peace of living in a christ-anchored life. And even then it can hard. But bravo on speaking clearly and sincerely.
Thank you for being you and keeping it real.
Hugs & Prayers for you and your family.
xo
Mandy, And this is why you are so amazing! I love that you are so willing to share your life’s journey no matter where it takes you so that we can all learn and grow from your testimony! Thank you for always being a strength in my life both spiritually and temperaly. You are Court truly are an inspiration and a light in my life!
Love this post. I’m so thankful you’ve found more peace. You are a beautiful daughter of God and a beautiful example to all of us. Focusing on Christ is the only way to receive eternal joy. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your post and for all of your unfailingly gracious responses to these many varied comments. You’ve shown me how to be more Christlike. ☺
All the best blessings to you and anyone else struggling through a hard time. Life isn’t for wimps and as women we should be especially sensitive and supportive of one another despite, religion, race, lifestyle etc Group hug.
Mary Wilding/www.mytributejournal.com
Mandi, I am so very happy for you! It really is bad to be depressed. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all about your life and your DIY skills are amazing! God bless you and your family! Keep it up, and share away. I think we all need to re-address our spirituality and faith, especially in these troubling times. Thank you for always being a bright spot!
Like many have said, THIS is why I follow you. Thank you for being real. I’m sure it’s a hard balance to decide what to share and what to not, but as your biggest fans, we care about you and love you and as crazy and weird as it is we can tell when things are different. You can preach to me all day long, whether it’s about paint or Jesus Christ, I’m here for it!
You are such a bright light. Keep shining, lady! You are so brave for sharing all of this! When you share your light, you share a bit of Him. ❤️
https://youtu.be/_S3TI4bYerU
Oh, my dear darling girl! I love what you wrote and I love that you are able to be so vulnerable and real here for all to see and relate to. But I am sorry that you are going through one of those times in life that inevitably come, even when we ascribe to faith in God. Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you, and pray that peace and clarity come to you from Him. I’ll be praying❤️
I consider my spirituality The biggest DIY project of all! (Of course I don’t really do it myself but you know what I mean – an ongoing work in progress). I’ve been in a stuck place myself so I really appreciate your honesty in this post. Going to go for the same solution myself!
As a very proud (but not very loud) atheist, and I think everyone needs to find what gets them through their dark times. I’ve been here since the beginning of the blog and while I admittedly kinda skim over the more religious posts, it has never bothered me one bit that you choose to voice your love of your god. I wish I could share my spiritual opinions as unabashedly as you share yours! I think especially for people who align themselves that way it 1000% helps to hear someone say it out loud. And most of all it helps to remove the stigma of not being picture perfect all the time by admitting we all have our rough days, weeks, months, years. We all need to find our small happinesses. I’m wishing you and Court and your entire family those little things that make you smile and make you feel strong. For a person like me, who does not believe in a life after death or reincarnation, this is the only chance we get to live this life and we should all strive to find what makes us happy, every day. Best
Aww Mandi everyone has a dip in the valley every now and then! You are a beacon of light. Your beauty and light will carry you through. Whatever your beliefs are you still a human with a heart. We love you, keep your spirits UP and this too shall pass! Look out 2019!
I found your blog right about the time you bought The Merc. Though your style preferences are vastly different from mine (I’m more traditional) I continued to follow the blog because of your unique personality. You and Court are a lot of fun to watch! I read your personal story when I first found the blog and though I am of a different faith I found your story and your “realness” to be uplifting and refreshing. Keep doing what you’re doing!
I started following you waay back because of your style and DIY prowess. I was also impressed that you were willing to share your story, faith AND foibles. I have recently added your Instagram to my feed so I could keep up with all the guts. I did notice. You are always amaze-balls, but there was something off of late. You had SO MUCH going on last year, it’s no wonder. Without diligence, it’s so easy to veer from your path into the scraggly brush and can be so difficult to scratch your way out. Been there. Take your time, take yourself back and come back ready to kick Phase Two’s butt. Reassuring thoughts are soaring your way.
I didn’t get the impression she was touting her specific religion but she merely pointed out that she was a member of the LDS church and offered educational materials if anyone wanted them. I didn’t hear any prosyletyzing or preaching or anything akin to that. She said she was anxious and had a spiritual relief…and that is so wonderful. I think she ought to be applauded for speaking from the heart without worry of censor or judgement. We should all feel so unrestrained. Thank you, Dear for sharing. I think that big black smoky demon would scare the puddin’ out of me. Glad you are moving forward.
It’s nice to see something real on the internet. I think this post about recentering your life is perfect for the new year. I think everyone can relate to that, no matter what their background. Brava! It struck a personal cord with me. Thanks for sharing!
Like so many others have said, I admire your willingness to be vulnerable and — of course! — your amazing style. I have always known you were LDS and, because of my own familiarity with the faith and its treatment of women and people of color, it has given me pause. How do you reconcile these aspects of your faith? You are a strong woman and yet you are not allowed to serve in the highest offices of your faith or even enter the kingdom of heaven without your husband calling your name. I wish you the very best. Perhaps at some point, you will acknowledge and discuss these aspects of your faith as well.
Mandi:
I’m SO relieved to hear that you are doing better. I think we all suspected something was up and cared deeply. To hear that your journey was a spiritual one, makes me only love you more. I too have been there, seen the enemy and clung more deeply to my Christian faith. Go girl go!! Eager to see you express your creativity once again. I’m totally cool with you quoting scripture as well. I’ve never read from the book of Mormon before, but the passage you shared was a lovely expression of God’s heart for his people, and I LOVE that!! If you are interested in vitamin supplementation that helps with depression, I’d recommend EMPowerplus. I’ve taken that for a few years with fab results. The back story on its development is a good read for a women of faith because it was an answer to prayer for the developer on behalf of his son and daughter. Much love, Pam
Thank you for such a brave and beautifully written post. I’ve left a legalistic sect recently, and have been starting nearly from scratch to learn a different perspective of Jesus and the bible. It’s such a revelation and life-changer to really, actually, for real, have burdens lifted. To really, really believe in grace. While I’m confident that I had a relationship with God while in the old church, now I know that the doctrine grieves him and he has led me out. I was surrounded by many loving and sincere (not evil) people. They were deceived like I was, by higher-ups who disguised themselves very well. Wolves in sheep’s clothing are still wolves. Satan as an angel of light is still Satan. It seems like a huge deal to walk away from the family/culture/lifestyle…and God made it incredibly easy. There is fellowship, friendship, support like I have never felt before on the “outside.” This is not because they are more sincere or caring, but because they are not under the doctrine of shame, guilt, exclusivity. They are truly free. I came to understand the truth of my old church by learning the workings of other sects we knew to be “false.” It was shocking to realize we were essentially the same, in different costumes. I encourage everyone to learn about “others”…it can be very revealing about your own situation.
I don’t share your same faith (I’m Jewish and I also practice Buddhism), but I read through this and wept–I have been there, disconnected from G-d, and those have been dark times. I’ve followed you for years because you’re a fearless DIY queen, and because you are so generous with all of us in sharing yourself and your family. You’re an everywoman for the modern age and that you are available to be vulnerable about the hard stuff is why we all love you (and who else who DIY a zebra rug by cutting and taping together all those skinny pieces of carpet? Seriously genius and maybe a little nuts 🙂 ). You are such a gift from G-d to all of us who have the good fortune to follow you. I send you and Court my prayers and wish you a ton of joy and peace.
I really appreciate your authenticity, Mandi.
While I do not subscribe to a religion/organized belief system, I firmly believe that we all have the opportunity to find different ways to true peace, direction and fulfillment. My beliefs are strong enough and I am strong enough in myself to be very happy that you have centered yourself again.
I am happy that you have pulled out of your darkness and have found the way to make your life the best it can be.
Thank you for your authenticity and powerful imagery, Mandi! My 2018 was the EXACT same and hopefully 2019 will be better! xo
This brought tears to my eyes. I am not Christian, but I am religious Jew and I do believe in meaning and higher purpose, and I also understand the negative feelings that you speak about. Thank you for being so open. I didn’t notice a difference in how you were writing, but I can understand. We are human after all. I am so happy that you found peace again. Life is filled with struggles. Thank you for sharing yours with us.
Mandi, I have been a follower for years, Close to the beginning I think. I respect you, and your family, greatly. I am grateful for all you share, on every topic. You have a special purpose, I have never doubted that. Thank you for being you, for sharing with everyone, for teaching, for giving. If I could only follow one blog, it would be an easy choice. Thank you for touching my heart, and helping to show me the way to find the joy in life and direction I have been missing. I am glad to know I am not alone in my struggles, and blessed that you were able to share. It did make a difference, and not just to me, to a great many. God bless you and yours, faye
Hey! Remember me, Julia Pearson Smith?We hung out with the same circle of friends in high school. I have been so impressed with not only your amazing talent for design, but your incredible example to those around you. Sharing your trials allows others to have permission to be human and not be alone! This post really resignated with me. The enemy of our souls will do what it takes to pull us down to his level. He knows how important our role as mother’s and wives is to the central plan. I have experienced the intense anxiety, depression, and thick darkness you have described!! It is very real!! I loved this post most of all. Everything you said is 100% true!!
Thank you for sharing a very intimate part of yourself and your faith. You’ve shared before about your families struggle with addiction; you’ve shared your creativity, your family and now you are sharing your faith. Thank you for baring another aspect of your complexity and humanity. Your resourcefulness and spirituality serve you and your family well.
Congrats on your depth and your desire to share your complexity!! We are all better for it!!
This is why I love your blog. Your realness and sense of humor are better than Netflix ?Thanks for sharing this powerful story.
I am late to this post. I have to catch up. Anyway, I love your blog and I love you. I found your post inspirational and maybe what I need right now. I feel that people need to find what unites them not divides them. I have my own way of connecting to God but I totally respect your right to share what works for you. However people get to the place where they are kind, respectful and loving, then I am cool with it. You are an awesome person and you do you. Rock on Mandi. XO Carol
I came to your blog through pinterest ages ago, and hadn’t come back, and then recently you popped into my mind and I was wondering ”I wonder how they’re getting on”. Sorry to hear about your depression – it’s hard trying to raise a family of small children and still have time for all our own goals as a human (I work full time, have a 5 and 3 year old and am pregnant, and some days I’m just sooo tired). I am a Pagan, not a Christian, but I believe we’re all part of the same god. For me it’s like a thermostat…I have times when I’m less focused on spirit, and then I start to feel the lack, and I know I need to place it at the center more, and I go back. And it really is always there for you when you do. Good luck!
Very impressed with your post and regained peace! Satan truly is the enemy of our soul and the only thing we can use to combat is to daily walk with God.
I’m not sure what brought me the Vintage Revivals this evening, but I’m glad I was compelled to do so. I always loved your quirky style (including the family Christmas photos!). My husband’s father committed suicide a week ago and darkness is definitely settling right in. I’m not very religious, but always appreciated you being honest and unashamedly religious. So many people on social media and in blogging can be so one dimensional. It is nice to hear of other people on this planet who struggle, because we all do at times. And what makes us special as humans is the ability to connect with each other, especially in difficult times. Let’s crush 2019!
Just as when we bear our testimonies in sacrament meeting, we never know who our words will touch, or how they will uplift the spirit of another. LDS member or not. It doesn’t matter when you speak from the heart. When we do so, it will resonate with those who need to hear.
You have an amazing family, keep on keepin on!
I’m late to this ballgame, but Mandi honey, you are courageous for saying your truth! Thanks for keeping it real, beautiful (inside & out), and delightful. Been a long-tine, card-carrying member of that there Suspenders Club and those boot straps go only so far before they snap. Bless you for following the promptings of the Spirit and figuring things out–even if you feel it’s just a few things. 😉 Love following you on your awesome ride and hope that this season of your life is sweeter for all your successes.
I was looking for a paint color you used I don’t know how long ago and stumbled across this post. And now I am bawling. I am right there, in the blackness and I really needed to hear this. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing